Making the effort...

effort (ef'ert) n.  1. The use of physical or mental energy to do something; exertion.

In this case it is both physical and mental for me.  I know I talked about this a few weeks ago but it truly is amazing to me how hard it is for me to cook.  It's amazing because 10 weeks ago it was the thing I lived for.  I could not wait to get home from work most nights to try and create something new.  Snow days at home would always mean that I would bake bread.  Most weekends I spent the majority of the time experimenting with new flavor combinations.  The days spent before the big summer party and Christmas eve were my favorite days, sometime crazy and hectic in preparation, but I loved every minute of it.  Now I can barely fry an egg, and then try to swallow it.  

Time is the great healer I have been told....I've also been told to "try"...."This too shall pass"....."I know it doesn't seem like it now honey, but things are going to get much better and you'll be fine" ....and I know I will but I just want to be able to do the thing I love to do, and enjoy it.  It just seems like a cruel punishment on top of everything else I'm dealing with ....but this I'm doing to myself.  

Anyhoo .... So I've been trying... to be creative and cook....and slowly, slowly its coming back... tonight I made braciole.  I made it and it was less painful than the spinach salad and French onion soup I made yesterday and alot easier than the crab cakes I made last Thursday.  I'm not eating a lot of anything but I am eating more than I was a month ago.  So we have progress ... I'll take it!

I am being very careful with money these days and I found this cheap cut of beef.

 I got four pieces for about 6 bucks, 

pounded the hell out of it (which was also very therapeutic) and rendered it tender.

Sprinkled it with bread crumbs, parmesan cheese, some herbs, salt and pepper.

Rolled it, tied it and fried it in olive oil till brown  

Then I added a jar of my sauce and let it cook slowly for a very long time on low heat.

For the crab cakes I cheated and used canned crab instead of the fresh stuff.

I had  two cans to which I added two eggs, chopped celery, a fine chopped shallot, some tarragon  

and enough bread crumbs to hold it all together 

rolled them in panko and fried them in a little olive oil and butter.  

I made some wilted spinach and quinoa.  

I also made a little sauce of olive oil mayo, lemon zest, lemon juice, chopped dill pickle and some capers.  

This is angel hair birds nest pasta that I browned in a little olive oil.

After it browned on both sides I added a cup of chicken stock and a can of cherry tomatoes and some herbs.

Just let it cook slowly and absorb the liquid as it cooks.  

I'm making an effort......

A Craft Project

Thought I would share a little craft project I worked on for a few nights last week.  My sister-in-law Cathy asked for help turning an ordinary white cotton sock into a doll for her.  It was for a group she participates in about losing weight.  Cathy is a little on the dirty side so I wanted the doll to reflect this side of her personality. Anyhoo, I figure when she is down to her goal weight this is the kind of outfits we will be seeing her in.  (and I saw her last week, she'll be wearing this outfit soon!)

These were before the hair and face but the detail of the navel is better.

Same with the cheeks here.

I am especially proud of the thigh high real black leather boots!

Not a bad looking white cotton sock!

Spring has Sprung

Thank God!  Everything is that beautiful fuzzy baby goose yellow green!  If one more flake of snow had fallen that would have been the end of me.  

A very large tree limb came down on my honeysuckle last fall... I thought about replacing this trellis but I have a new attitude on things "damaged".  Everything damaged gets to go on in my world now, besides it has so much more character than when it was perfect.

The herbs are in...now I'm happy!

For Mother's Day I made a Lingonberry Tart.  Lingonberries are native to Sweden (and so am I.... well 1/4 of me is) and are very delicious like a tiny cranberry.  Tart and sweet... (I've made homemade yogurt and added some lingonberries to it ...very good combo.)

The crust was made with 1& 1/2 cups of almond flour and 1 &1/2 cups of oat bran flour, 6 TBS of brown sugar and 1 stick of butter.  Combine and press into a tart pan and bake at 350 for a 1/2 hour or until set like a cookie.  spread with the lingonberries and cut into wedges.  We served it with vanilla ice cream.

Zachary really liked the lingonberries until he spotted the giant chocolate covered strawberries......then it was all over.

analyze this

For those of you who visit on a regular basis or those of you that know me personally....well.... I've been going through a bit of a rough patch lately.  And because of that I have been unable to cook, which is a problem because in exactly one month I have to cater a dinner.  I've been really trying to be strong and get through this "THING" I'm dealing with, but for some reason the thing I love to do the most (cook) I can't do.  (Any shrinks out there want to take a stab at it...I'd love to know what you think.) Part of the problem is that in the past 7 weeks I have not been able to eat very much either (which isn't so bad as I am down 32 lbs since Christmas) So I told myself today that I needed to cook something for myself tonight that I love and that may snap me out of it.  There is this dish at a local seafood restaurant that I love.  It is a pasta dish with small piece of salmon with a cream sauce with dill, sherry and peas. May not sound good but very old New England type dish.....anyhoo I made myself some.

I had exactly 4 bites....granted it is very rich..... no thank you....so I've got this bowl in the fridge if anyone wants some.

For Barnaby....

My friend Barnaby asked me to post some of my artwork.  I have taken a sample of work from the past several years.  I met Barney in 1986, I was young and in love.... with someone else, but part of me fell for Barney.  Then I married his best friend (at that time and place, Sicily)  and Barney married a beautiful Sicilian girl and the four of us had a year of fun and fights and in the end with one failed marriage under our belts we all walked away. Looking back I wish I had married Barney.  Oh, we would have gotten divorced just like me and the other guy, but the journey to that divorce would have been Oh so much more fun.  Barney and I have stayed in touch through the years...sometimes not talking for a few years but we always manage to find each other.  For him it is easy I've been in the same house for 19 + years, for me not so easy.  First Japan where he met wife # 2 and then back to the states.  A few years ago he called me from Africa, he and his wife and kids had been there for a while and were heading back to the states again.   I found him recently on facebook just in time for my life to take another crazy turn.  I have only a handful of truly good friends in this life.  The ones you know will listen and care about you.  Barnaby is one of those friends. 

Barney any critique you give is welcome and by the way.....Mochten Sie Treppe erscheinen und sieht, dass einiger von meinem atzt?

it is what it is.......