trying to blog ...

When I first started this blog it was suppose to be about things that I liked ... things I thought were cool ... hence the name.  Then it began to become more about food and my love for cooking ... slowly it evolved into a therapy place for my divorce ... and now I don't really know what it is about anymore.  I find it hard to blog most of the time because there is so much I would like to share and yet can't and that keeps me away.  So I decided today that I wanted to blog about all of the above.  Getting back to the root of it some things that I like and think are cool ...

 First and most important I believe it is very cool that soon ... very soon all of this will be gone and green will once again be my sanctuary...

I love that Zachary's favorite thing to do with me is play with my boots ... no toys needed ...

full moon ...

the dish Erika gave me for Christmas ...

and then there is booze ...

My love of cooking died along with my marriage and I have been trying to rebuild that relationship for the past two years ... cooking was my therapy a few years ago ... I would try to bury myself in trying new things to past the time in a very unhappy world.  When my marriage ended so did my appetite and 75 pounds later I am still trying to get it back ... as long as I don't gain the weight back ... 

tarragon, fontina, prosciutto di parma and veal ...

browned in butter finished with white wine 

baby potatoes boiled then smashed and browned in butter and chives ...

zucchini, summer squash and onions ...

greens, herbs, beets, dried cherries, almonds and a balsamic dressing ...

Beef (Frigging) Wellington (HELLO ... so proud of myself) ...

twice baked potatoes ...

tart with apples, dried cherries and almonds ...

homemade winter squash ravioli ... 

with brown butter sage sauce ...

braised fennel ...

sauce with meatballs and sausage ...

blueberry tarts ...

So I am trying ... and slowly I am enjoying the dance between me and the food ... I have come along way ... 

Two years ago this week my world came to a crashing halt and I stopped eating and ceased to exist for a few months ... and slowly a new life was born and now everyday seems to bring new wonders and I marvel at who I am now compared to who I was 24 months ago ... It truly amazes me ... happy was always just a word never a state of being ... and fear was something that I had to deal with ... I am not afraid ... whatever life brings at least I feel it now ... I had the opportunity to talk to the X a few weeks ago ... Funny he wanted the end ... and at the time I didn't ... and in the end I know I ended up happier ... there was a note in his voice that let me know he was growing older while I am growing younger ... In two weeks I will be 50 and yet I feel like I am 18 ... that is the most wonderful feeling ... once at a funeral I got the best advice ... a man talking about his mother said "she always said 90% of what we worry about never happens and the other 10%  there is nothing you can do about it ... just deal with it"... I took my 10% and turned it into gold ...