It's a Wonderful Life ...

OK ... so it has been a long time since my last post ... I did do one about the tree that fell in my back yard during hurricane Sandy ... but when I realized how bad things were in NY and NJ ... I thought who the hell  am I to complain about one tree that took out my back yard ... so I didn't post it ... BUT ... lots of stuff has been going on and I have a few photo's to show ... I have a stray cat living in my yard ... I named him Smokie ... he will not let me come near him which leads me to believe that he is feral ... or has been abused badly and abandoned ... he is very sweet and eats every time I feed him ... which is as often as he will eat ...

My nephew Zachary turned five today ... all he wants to be is a Super Hero and fight crime so I made him a Super Hero cape and boots ... it was a big hit ... just not as big as the Spider Man skateboard that Aunt Lisa gave him ... thank God I had chocolate for him ...

This is the tree that took out my yard during Sandy ... I am very lucky that this is all that happened and I never lost power.

This is the still life I started about a week ago ...

and the progress so far ...

apparently I am in a martini phase ...

I sit here now (sipping a martini) contemplating my future and still trying to figure out my past ... sometimes I have these fleeting moments of clarity where I say "get your shit together girl" and then there are those times that I tell myself ... I was so miserable... for so long ... that I should do whatever I want ... and be 18 again.   I try hard to give myself some slack and allow myself to just live and laugh ... because life is short and I am not getting any younger ... Every New Years Eve for so many years I would think ... I wonder where I will be  next year ... and every year I would be in the same miserable skin ... living the same miserable life  ... now I ask myself daily "where the hell will I be tomorrow" ... and it's a crap shoot ... sometimes I'm in a good place and sometimes not so much ... but I am never miserable anymore ... never ... and that makes my life ... a wonderful life ...

Fall ...

It is with mixed emotion that I write this ... I love the fall ... but I hate to see the summer end ... don't get me wrong ... I hate summer ... hate the heat ... I love the fact that it is cooler and I can wear my thousands of sweaters ... that the leaves are changing and so beautiful ... I have more energy ... but the change of seasons sometimes brings the end to other things ... enough ... 

Today I worked all day in the yard ... trimmed the bushes ... worked on the front steps (which need serious repair that I can't afford ... so ... If you fall on them ... I didn't invite you to my house so you can't sue me) ... cut all my herbs and hung them to dry in the kitchen ... will miss fresh herbs until next summer (store bought is just not the same)

This coming Thursday I would have been married to #1 for 26 years ... funny how you can't remember what you had for lunch yesterday (I had nothing) but you can remember the pain of your youth so vividly ... 

So I look forward to raking leaves (is that what the kids are calling it these days) and canning and jarring and baking bread ... and I look forward to fires in the fireplace and hopefully getting the damn beast done ... There are happy days ahead for me ... I just hope the happy days I know I want and deserve...

The Beast is in the House!

Well ... the Beast is in the house ... at least I don't have to worry about the weather anymore.   But now ... wtf am I going to do?  This thing needs so much more work ... not to mention the creatures that could be living inside it ... and I don't like bugs or mice for that matter ... thank God for those two cats that drive me crazy.  The little one loves to eat moths and the fluffy one... mice ... so I guess it's all good.  

Now I have to do all the finish work and then add the final fabric ... I still can't decide what to do ...should I go with white like the side chairs??? or should I do something bold with color ... (I may have children in my house at some point ... you know sticky fingers and such) ...  the #$%^&*~  cats are already investigating the Beast ... Leave him be girls ... he is my kill!  I have sprayed him down with Lysol which should kill any mold and the cats desire to claw it.

For now he sits and waits for me to attack again ...



I went for a walk with a friend a few weeks ago and this picture keeps popping into my head ...

For the past 18 months I have said repeatedly "I break rules now" ... I will forever regret not walking down this path ... I will go back someday and "do it" ... until then I will just imagine what lies ahead ...

I know ... I know ...

 This is a shot inside that opening ... creepy ...

Beast Update ...

The Beast continues to beat me down ... try as I might, I think it may win ... but with the constant encouragement of friends and family ... I continue to fight the good fight.  Enough said ... I think the pictures speak volumes. 

I know, I know ... really Sharon ... old shirts as stuffing ...

 at $21 a sheet for this foam ... you get why the old shirts ...

I have already spent $200 on something I may have to trash ...

and I am poor and cheap ... (but happy)

 It was at this point that I thought ... sit and see how it feels ... and I did ... and my ass hit the ground ...

(another reason why there should be cameras on me at all times ...)

the repair work I did to the "repair work" someone else did ... obviously didn't work

So I flipped the beast over and thought of a new plan ...

and I believe this may have worked ...

 Foam is in place ... now time to stuff and put the final layer of under fabric ...

then I have to go buy the fabric ...

 That staple gun is my new best friend ...

... I'm going back out ... to slay the beast ...

with a little courage ...

Life is a card game ...

Sometimes life is like a game of cards ... a crapshoot ... a gamble ... sometimes you have to look at the cards you are dealt and decide which cards to keep ... and which ones to throw away ... and hope you make the right decision.  Sometimes you get the cards you want ... the cards you need ... then there are times you just have to fold.  Sometimes you win the pot and other times you walk away with nothing ... but if you don't play the game you'll never know.   Taking chances is what life is all about ... I think it's better to play the game and hope for the win and walk away empty handed ... than to never play and never know ... because when you play and lose at least you know you tried ... but when it's time to fold ... it's time to fold.

Keeping busy ... for me is the key to dealing with life when things are too much for me ... and as luck would have it ... I have a lot to keep me busy.  This is how I have spent the past two days.

Transforming a huge room into all types of skies (with the help of my friend Sue) for Vacation Bible School at my church.  I'm not pleased (I never am with myself ... part of what makes me ... me) but I believe that little kids will like it.  It's not done yet but it must be 100 degrees in that room today and I just couldn't stay there one more minute.  So ... for the next 5 days ... I have little kids to do crafts with for a few hours in the mornings and maybe they will distract me from my thoughts.  

There is always plenty of this ...

The latest painting is coming along ... maybe I'll work on it after I iron ...

and there is always solitaire ... but that's one card game I don't like ...

because when you win ... your alone ... and no one knows you won ...

The Beast ...

Winnifred Joyce Johnson watched me from heaven today ... and laughed.  Joyce was Carl and Erika's Nana  ... and she was one special lady.  While the kids were young I would very often have to pick them up or drop them off at Nana's house.  I would always comment on how much I loved her antique sofa ... "that old thing ... your crazy" she would tell me.  When Joyce died I offered to buy it ... but her daughters told me to take it ... and my battle with the Beast began.

This is how the whole thing started ...

So I have finally started to rebuild the Beast ... Mother of God ... I got out in the yard at 9:30 this morning ... and the battle began again.  This thing ... well look for yourself ...

fishing line is not usually used ... but I march to my own drum ...

  See that burlap ... yup nailed it all in the wrong place and had to pull all the nails out
and start again ... mother $%#@^& ...

I did take a break to set up my glowing balls ... I know, I know ... balls ...

I finally came in at 4:30 ... and crawled into the shower ... the beast may have won the battle today ... my finger nails are gone ... and there are not enough adult beverages to kill the pain in my body ... but I will win the war with the beast and one day I will sit victorious on him in my living room ... I may even spill red wine on him just for fun ... Bastard!