TRUTH ...

truth  (tro̅o̅th)

n. pl. truths (tro̅o̅thz, tro̅o̅ths)

1. Conformity to fact or actuality.

2. A statement proven to be or accepted as true.

3. Sincerity; integrity.

4. Fidelity to an original or standard.

5.

a. Reality; actuality.

b. often Truth That which is considered to be the supreme reality and to have the ultimate meaning and value of existence.

Truth be told ... all I ask is for the truth ... I am very easy to please ... just tell me the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts ... but it is what it is and living in a lie is not living.   When my marriage of twenty years (based on lies) ended three years ago I vowed never to be with anyone ... family, friend, or lover ... that was not honest with me at all times.  Living with the truth one is able to make decisions and function in reality.  Lies are not reality.  Only in reality is one truly living.  Sincerity ... honesty ... integrity ... these are the qualities I look for in a friend.  

Imagine then the shock and awe of realizing that someone you completely trust with all your being has been lying to you on so many levels ... recently I was brought back to the place I was in three years ago ... asking myself what was wrong with me ... why was I not worthy of a friendship ... a relationship of respect and truth. 

It took some time for me to realize that there is nothing wrong with me ... that expecting that from someone that you trust is normal ... believing that someone you love cares for you, has integrity and won't hurt you ... 

I believe that for every wound comes a lesson and I have to learn from this ... what I will learn from this is still a mystery ... but as I heal I will figure it out ... I know one thing that I learned three years ago ...  not all people will hurt you ... not all people lie ... sometimes I am just so blinded by my love for the other person that I can't see the forest for the trees ... caring deeply for people isn't wrong ... it just sometimes weakens your ability to see their inability to care as much for you as you do for them ...

Know this ... finally confessing the truth, when it should have been told right away may lesson your guilt (assuming you are capable of guilt) ... but it causes the person you lied to so much more pain that you couldn't be honest from the start ...