I have had more swift kicks to the gut than I care to remember. Thought that because I had received such a severe one 14 months ago that I was somehow now immune. Stupid, stupid girl ... Life is going to kick you in the ass over and over. Earlier today while sitting in the back yard ... swollen red eyes and all ... I looked up and said "why me" and then it hit me ... why the hell not you ... There are plenty of people out there worse off than you ... so you got kicked in the gut again, stop being doubled over in pain and stand up. Ya ... I never had a child ... wanted one badly ... had that stolen from me ... but there are people who have had them and had to watch them die ... who the hell am I to feel bad for myself. I've had plenty of pain in my life ... but better to have loved and lost than never to have loved ... and all that crap. I'm breathing and for now I am living and I need to remember how lucky I am that I have people who love me no matter what. I may never have what my grandmother had ... but I had my grandmother to tell me it's possible ... and that's enough to get me through.
Then I saw it ... the peony opened and I realize I have joy in so many small things ... and that helps with the kicks to the gut ... and I hope I never change ... I hope no matter how many times I get kicked I can get back up and find joy. That plant grew in that spot and for 17 long years never had a flower ... there is hope for me and I believe that I will be happy again ... I just hope I don't have to wait 17 years ...
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