June 21 ...

The soon to be X is ill ... has been for years ... we found out shortly after we were married 20 years ago.  When we found out we were told it was terminal ... a disease that would slowly kill him.  It is a disease that affects the liver.  There are some treatments for this disease now and some completely arrest it in some patients ... not so in the X.  He tried several treatments during the 20 years ... some slowed the progression ... but never a cure.  The treatments ... a form of chemo therapy were brutal on him.  I remember the Dr. telling me that the biggest side effect of this drug was severe depression and suicide.  About ten years ago he was half way through a year long treatment.  It was about 8:00 in the evening and he called me upstairs.  I found him lying in bed ... windows were open ... it was a beautiful evening ... the sun was still shinning and the neighborhood kids were outside laughing and playing.  He said "today is June 21 the longest day of sunlight in the year ... and I feel like I am dying, promise me that every year on June 21 we will do something special" ... and I made that promise.  Every year on June 21 we would remember ... We have not lived together since March 23, 2011 ... I have no idea what he did on June 21 last year ... I don't remember what I did either ... On Thursday ... 4 days from now it will be June 21, 2012 ... and we will meet at 8:30 in the morning on the steps of the Cambridge courthouse and we will get divorced at 9:00.  I'm a big fan of irony ... always have been.