I miss my dad ...

I lost my dad 15 years ago today ... doesn't seem possible.  My father didn't have the easiest life ... parents divorced when he was young ... both got remarried and he was sent to military school.  A little boy in what looked like a high ranking officers uniform ... who just wanted to go home.  His mother had a second son by husband #2 and he lived with her.  His father and second wife never had any children.  I believe the happiest day of my dad's life was when he married my mom.  5 children later and working at a job he hated ... ehhh I don't know ... I just don't think his life was a walk in the park.  

July 20, 1997 the x and I took my 3 nieces visiting from California to the x's family reunion summer party ...  the girls had fun and entertained the crowd.  It was getting late and I had told my mom I would have them back to her by a certain time and it was well over that time ... I decided I should call her and let her know we were okay and I would have them back soon.  My mom's sister answered the phone ... I said "hey where is my mom?" ... my aunt (never known for her tact) said "she at the hospital ... your father is dead."  Someone watched the girls and the x took me to the hospital ... the entire trip took maybe half an hour and I remember convincing myself the whole way that there was some kind of mistake.  I entered the emergency room and found my mom and other siblings (except for my brother Al who had gone back to California the day before with his wife and 1year old son, leaving the 3 girls for the rest of the summer with my mom).  I actually said upon entering and seeing him ... are you sure he is dead?  He was killed in a car accident a block from my house ... his best friend was driving and he was going through a rotary where he should have yielded but didn't ... a man going 3 times the speed limit didn't stop and the impact killed my father.  

The last time I spoke to my dad was 2 nights before he died ... he had pissed me off ... he asked "are you mad at me?" and I said "yes old man I am."  Those were the last words I said to him ... and I can never take that back.  My grandmother instilled in me very young to never go to bed angry at someone you love because you never know when one of you won't wake up.  I wish those words where not the last I ever spoke to my dad.  I wish I had said instead ... "you drive me crazy sometimes ... but your a good man who hasn't had an easy life and I respect and love you" ... those words wouldn't haunt me like the words I said.  

The lesson here is ... you never know when your parents or siblings won't be there the next day ... never go to bed angry ... and tell those you love that you love them ... because you never know ...