Christmas 2011

Christmas Eve 2011 - I woke at 6:00 a.m. so unlike me ... it was with mixed emotions that I faced the day.  Cooking always makes me feel good and I spent most of the day doing that.  I prepared the Swedish herring my grandfather made every Christmas Eve ... cookies my mom taught me to make when I was a little girl ... and some of my own creations.  I was relaxed and happy.  But there were some tears throughout the day ... there were people who have been part of Christmas Eve for years that would not be here this year... and  I always miss my brother Al and his family at Christmas ... the last time we were all together at Christmas was 20 years ago.

My friend Donna and her daughter Brenna came early and helped me ... and made me laugh.  They had a very interesting gift for me.  I was surrounded by family and friends and I was happy and content.  Most of these people carried me in some way through the last 9 months and I could not have gotten through without them ... and that is the truth.  I was fine ... great ... until this guy walked through the door and then I lost it ... I felt the tears coming as soon as I saw him.  Stephen is a cousin of Joe's and always stopped by on Christmas Eve ... I hadn't invited any of Joe's family this year, (except for the Delaney's ... Katie and Nancy are like sisters to me now) because I didn't want to make it weird for them ... didn't want them to feel awkward in any way ... It was strange not having his siblings here ... I always loved how my sister Lisa would shamelessly flirt with Joe's brother Kevin, while his wife was a few feet away ... Stephen said Callie told him I was doing Christmas Eve and he should come by ... I love that he did ...

Stephen and Mary

 Katie and Nancy

There was no tension and no stress ... there was no bucket of chicken on the table and no bathmats wrapped under the tree ... and thanks to mom and Lisa there were 10 different types of cookies ... someone said I thought you weren't going to go all out with the food this year ... and I said "I didn't do the shrimp this year." 

Six of my women friends stayed a while after everyone else had gone ... they helped me put the food away and then we talked and  laughed ... it was good to just laugh. 

Christmas day my family goes to my brother Jim house for dinner.  As soon as I stepped in the house I informed Zachary it was time for a secret meeting ... he knows this means I have a piece of Chocolate and he would follow me to the end of the earth.  The kid is a chocolate connoisseur at the age of 4 ... nothing but the best ... and this was good stuff, a friend gave me a box a few weeks ago and I have been rationing it out to myself ... Zachary is the only person I have shared it with ... so I give him the first piece and he pops the  entire pieces in his mouth ... then his eyes opened wide and he nodded ... and I knew he was mine for the day. 

notice the chocolate mustache 

He wanted the next piece, but I told him he had to eat dinner first and then we could have the next one ... all day he announced to everyone I love aunt Sharon today ... I'm sitting next to aunt Sharon at dinner.  After he ate the last required piece of food at dinner he grabbed my hand and said "it's time for that meeting!"  Once the Chocolate was gone he of course went looking for Auntie Lisa. 

Jim and Caroline

Carl's girlfriend Sheri and Caroline

 Jim and Carl

I thought the holidays would be difficult this year ... but I was just fine ... there were a few tears, but mostly happy tears.  My friend and Mentor Nunzio called me a few days before Christmas.  Nunzio was an art teacher of mine and has been part of my life for more than thirty years.  He called to tell me that he got my card and that he had not sent out any this year and then told me that his youngest brother had died the day before.  He was going to spend the winter in Florida with another brother and wanted to get together as soon as he got back.  He asked how I was and I told him.  "I'm happier than I have ever been before in my life... everyday I find something new and wonderful to celebrate ... that not one moment in my life is wasted anymore ... and no matter what ... I will be happy and I will smile and I will laugh."  He then told me that he was proud of me ... that most people would be bitter and angry and miserable after going through what I went through ... and the fact that I rose above it makes me amazing and then we both cried ... the fact that this wonderful man is proud of me ... was just too much.

So Christmas is over ... thank God ... I need vegetables and fruit and yogurt ... and no more meat and cheese and cookies.   I feel like a human slug!