It's funny ... because I lived through this horrible ordeal ... and survived ... I had convinced myself that I would never feel pain again. On the other side of it now, I realize there is plenty of pain left for me. Life is full of pain ... and some of it much worse than what I went through. Looking back I wouldn't trade that pain for all the money in the world ... because it brought me to where I am right now ... maybe right this moment I am sad ... but for as high as you go you will go that low. We can't have sunshine and roses everyday. Lonely was what I knew for so long that now that I am alone ... it's not that bad to be alone ... except when there is someone with me and then they leave ... it just takes awhile to adjust back to the echo in my empty house. Solitude is a blessing and a curse ... I do what I want, when I want, make what I want to eat, when I want to eat ... but it's nice to cook for someone else too. It's nice to leave the house in the morning and know that when I return it will be just as I left it ... except for the twin beds in the guest room that the cats insist belong to them and they spend the day crawling under the covers and twisting the blankets into balls. I don't miss what I had a year ago ... I want something more ... and until I have it I will live alone and be content and happy in this la la land I have created with my cats.
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