living alone.....

Some days are just harder than others.  Sometimes the solitude just eats at me.  Other days I revel in it.  Today it's eating at me.  This is the first time in my life that I have lived alone.  For the past 8 months (except for the week that Jenna was with me) I have spent every night in my house alone.  Some nights I play music loud and sing and dance...I march around banging pots and pans together...because I can.  (I always had to keep the house quite before or I got hell for it.)  I have always lived with other human beings...even if no words were spoken there is comfort in knowing there is someone else breathing in my space.  The house I grew up in I was never alone there was always someone home my parents, my sister and 3 brothers.  I moved from that house to the apartment in Italy with husband #1.....then to the apartment back here with him and then back to my parents after the divorce.  Then I was there until husband #2....and now it's just me.  I suppose I should be ashamed that I am 48 years old and have never lived on my own.  Just the way it happened.  I remember a teacher in high school telling the class one day that for as high as you go you will go that low.  That you cannot enjoy the good unless you experience the bad.  It's true of everything in life.  So today I was lonely and I didn't enjoy it. 

Funny...as I write this a friend just sent me a text message and I am reminded that I am never really alone.  Lonely is a strange feeling...it comes and goes just like that.  Some days are just easier.     

Yesterday was easier..New Hampshire had to postpone trick or treat because of the snow.  So mom and Lisa and I drove up to see Zachary in his costume.  

I told him he was the cutest dinosaur I had ever seen...and he looked at me with complete frustration and said "I am a Triceratops, Aunt Sharon."  He's not even 4 yet.